Notwithstanding their innocence, the goblins in this module are set up to be nothing more than cannon fodder. Even worse, they are supposed to be profoundly stupid cannon fodder, and I am not referring to their “strategy or tactics.” Rather, I refer to the disgusting amount of mercy they are supposed to show to the poor, pathetic 1^st level adventures breaking into their homes.  

Let us be clear: the same goblins that have not raided the town in forty years, that are forced to sell the only goods they have access to at a 93% discount, that are in a constant struggle to hold onto the little land they have, are expected to inflict subdual damage on the group of thugs invading their home with spell and sword. These beasts have, without a doubt, already maimed and killed other goblins to get to the room in question, which is at the very back of the goblin complex, and yet these goblins are supposed to attack with saps? Surely, Bruce Cordell, the no doubt drug-addled and brain-damaged author of this module, must be kidding us. (He is, unfortunately for us, one of the folks currently working on the 4^th Edition.)  

Adding insult to injury, the goblins are expected to further coddle the incompetent thugs in question, throwing them into an unguarded stockade. Will they be tortured and killed? Eaten, perhaps, with some fava beans and a nice chianti? Or, at a minimum, punished a bit if they murdered any goblin men, women or children? Sorry - afraid not. No, they will ransomed back to concerned citizens (for a handful of silver pieces, no doubt, given how tough it is for the cheapskates in town to hand over their hard-earned lucre to a mere goblin) – after which the adventurers/home invaders will storm back in and kill them all. If the PCs are not ransomed, then they will have to suffer with “languishing in captivity” – so much for that whole ‘goblins love slavery’ angle (there’s not even a hole that has to be dug somewhere?) But let’s face it, with “leniency suggested”, not even that’s going to happen.  

As a final, anticlimactic note, we bring your attention to a new feature of the Goblin race – Tourette’s Syndrome. Goblins dying horribly by having their guts ripped open by longswords apparently make the same sound as goblins on guard duty, as the race is “given to loud, violent outbursts similar to nearby combat.” The only way they could have made it easier on the damned adventurers invading their home is to walk around naked and weaponless. Backwards. With blindfolds.  

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This history of racism towards goblins is far from complete; we do not have access to many of the more recent modules published by WoTC or independent d20 companies, nor do we have a complete collection of all low-level 1E and 2E modules. There is also the issue of racism towards goblins in other games; for instance, our sources tell us that the greenskins in Warhammer are similarly vilified and oppressed.  

Part of the goal of the Goblin Defense Fund is to create a full written and visual history of the atrocities inflicted upon goblinkind by the Legolas-loving authors of these materials. Please send references, images, and other materials to GoblinDefense [at] GoblinDefenseFund.org. We need your help completing the picture – only then will the healing have a chance to begin.

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