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Goblins fared slightly worse in the sequel, the 1978 Dungeons and Dragons “Blue Book” (TSR)

The foolish need to (mis)label goblins’ moral code, attributing to them the quality of being “lawful evil” (whatever that means), was a grim addition to the history of racism towards Goblinkind in Dungeons and Dragons. While it is true that in all other ways, the entry is slur-free, this attribution was the first step down the slippery slope from which there has been little sign of escape.  

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While what is commonly referred to as “Basic D&D” took a (relatively) benign view of goblins in 1978, the First Edition Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual (1978) entry was a monumental step down from the clean, crisp, bias-free description of four years earlier. Truly, the only thing ‘advanced’ about this entry is amount of abuse heaped upon Goblinkind: 

 

It would be impossible to exaggerate the depths to which the authors sink in this entry. It begins with a cheap shot, indicating the intelligence of the fine goblin race as “Average (low)”. This odd parenthetical addition to what would otherwise be an accurate description of goblin intelligence meets its match later on in the entry: 

Goblins are fair miners and are able to note new or unusual construction 25% of the time. They hate gnomes and dwarves and attack them in preference to any other creature. All goblins are slave takers and fond of torture.” 

The passage starts sanely enough, commenting on goblins’ excellent mining ability, but then it descends into a bizarre non-sequitur, claiming that not only to goblins hate dwarves, but gnomes as well. One might, as we did above, attribute this to the undeniable fact that gnomes and dwarves will also always attack goblins on sight, but the author’s true colors are on display in the third sentence. Slave takers and fond of torture. Indeed. These (supposedly) borderline retarded creatures, weaker than gnomes and dwarves, with lower hit points and a worse armor class, are somehow suddenly capable of taking and keeping slaves? We remain skeptical, dear Reader, as should you.  

As far as this supposed fondness for torture is concerned, we see no reason to dignify this ridiculous, unsupported claim with a response – except to say that if a marauding group of adventurers invaded a goblins’ home, and strolled from room to room killing women and children, taking their 2d6 copper pieces, they deserve whatever punishment that happens to get meted out. 

As grotesque as the idea of pillaging, plundering and slaughtering women and children may seem to moral individuals, consider the fact that it is actually contemplated in the above entry, as is evidenced by the helpful supplication of precise estimates of the numbers of non-combatant innocents living in any goblin lair:  “...females and young equal to 60% and 100% respectively of the number of male goblins encountered. As is usual with creatures of this sort, the females and young do not fight.” One shudders to think of the number of innocent women and children casually murdered by adventurers in the last thirty years, alongside pleads for Experience Points for committing these heinous acts.  

 

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